What you do when you find out you're pregnant

About three months ago, I found out I was pregnant with our fourth child. I did a test even though I already knew I was. How did I know? Well, I kind of figured it out when I got really emotional during Masterchef, yep, seriously. At that moment I knew, because I'm just not sentimental unless my hormones are out of whack- hence, pregnant. Anyways, after I cried (partly out of shock- was not planning on getting pregnant anytime soon because I'd only finished feeding a Ben a few weeks earlier, and partly due to the instant realisation that 'oh s$&@, I have to go through labour- again!'), I started to think about the important things... How was I going to look good while pregnant???

Yes, I know, vain! But seriously, one of the first things I did to get me in a better, less scared frame of mind was start googling 'pregnancy style/ maternity style'. From there, I discovered a love of Pintrest, but I'll save that for another time. I looked up so many different pregnancy 'looks' and screen shot my favourites. I actually got to the point where I was looking forward to looking pregnant so I could rock my awesome new style. And then, I started to look pregnant and now, at 17 weeks, my visions of me looking chic, put together and awesome are, sad to say, destroyed :(

First thing- when I'm pregnant my tummy hurts (wah wah). I can't wear anything tight around my waist because I feel sooo uncomfortable. This affects like everything except tent attire. I have to wear low slung, loose skirts/ pants. I bought a couple of official maternity skirts/ shorts during my last pregnancy, and for me, it was totally worth it. Elastic waists are key! I know that some people can wear 'normal' pants or use belly bands and feel comfortable, but I can't. I need wide, elasticated waist bands!

Secondly, the pregnant people who I was using as inspiration always looked like they just had a bump. I don't. I have love handles, and they are growing along with my new little bundle. So that eliminates about 90% of the looks I had aspired to. The other 10% are not attainable because it seems that most people who post these glamourous get ups either don't already have couple of mess machines with grubby fingers ready to spoil my style or they change into 'mum wear' once the pic is taken. Some mornings I get dressed and think, yeah, I look alright, and then I remember what I need to do that day and I realise that it just isn't going to work. And the fact that I'm not even half way means there is a loooong hill to go down before I can even think of going up again.

Finally, I don't like spending a lot of money on clothes, maternity or otherwise. (I should really rephrase, because the carefree (not wife and mother) part of me would love to spend exhorbitant and irresponsible amounts of money on clothes and live like a celebrity, but that is just not attainable- and surely it gets boring being able to afford everything you want, am I right?) Most of the clothes I own are from op shops (good brands that I can actually afford- I have not one, but two Cue jackets) or just basics from shops like Big W, Kmart or Target. I also have two and a half wardrobes; normal clothes, pregnancy clothes and transition clothes- pulled from the the first two most of the time. So buying a particular piece of awesome maternity wear could, quite possibly, be using up my entire season/ year's clothing budget and I just don't want to look that good that badly :)

But, in spite of all this, I am going to continue to attempt to look as put together as possible during this pregnancy, you know, do my hair, occasional make up, use accessories and wear clothes that flatter my bumpiness. Why? Well, it's not only vanity, I also feel better when I don't look like I've been bit by a bus (aka how I look when I first wake up). Also, I want my daughter to see that no matter what your body looks like, you can dress in a way that is flattering and that putting effort into how you look is important.

And keeping in tune with the vibe of today's post, I have my WIWS picture, along with some additional pics of my kidlets having a picnic and play at the park after church yesterday... Good times had by all :)

 WIWS- Courtesy of my little sister (Thanks photographer Reebz). Bump- 17 weeks :)

Life is not meant to be comfortable

When I was a child, I had no insecurities about life. I always felt safe, the world, as far as I could see, was mostly good, I never wanted for anything. When I was a teenager, my insecurities were all selfish- I was concerned with my welfare and comfort above all else.

Now I am an adult, a wife and a mother. I no longer feel as if there are no cares in the world. Sure, I can control my own little bubble of concerns (at the moment), and I feel a great comfort in being able to do that. But now, I see what the world is like. I see how people are killed for their faith (something that I used to assume had ended a looong time ago). I see how there are children in the world who never know security and comfort and it makes me realise what all those saints (and even parts of the Bible) were trying to get at; life is not meant to be comfortable...

That is quite a mind boggling concept to many these days. People who lived in the beginning of last century dedicated the majority of their time and resources to farming or acquiring enough food. If they were cold, they would put on extra clothes, move closer to the fire or just grin and bear it. If they were hungry, there was often little to be done. If they didn't have shoes, the nearest Target was about 80 years away (you can see their dilemma). Everything was harder, took longer and often, the result was a lot less comfortable than what we have today.

Today, (in this country), we dedicate our efforts to being comfortable. That includes having the necessities, but also includes things like entertainment, insta-warmth (heaters), insta-cool (air conditioners), playing sport (people didn't used to have the time/energy to play sports), going on holidays etc. I am guilty of seeking comfort. It is what our bodies naturally gravitate towards. When the alarm goes off, we snooze, when we don't feel like cooking, we get take away, when we are cold, we put on the heater instead of getting a blanket etc.

When I was thinking about this post, I realised that the opposite to comfort (when it is a choice) is self discipline. Self discipline is something that the saints had, and I don't. Self discipline is the key to self mastery. Without self discipline, we are little more than slaves to our passions- we just do what we feel like. This is quite a dangerous practice, because once we allow our bodies to fall into this trap of doing what we feel like, it is a slippery slope to allowing our minds to thinking what we feel (relativism). Even if we manage to maintain a disciplined mind by cultivation (through reading/discussion etc), if our bodies are not disciplined, we will appear to be hypocrites, because our bodies will betray their passions ahead of our mind's discipline (the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak).

So, long story short, I am going to make an effort to become more self disciplined- so I am going to make some choices to make my life less comfortable. I think it was St Mary Mackillop who said something along the lines of "we are all just pilgrims" (on Earth). I know that I need to really stop fighting this idea. I am very attached, not only to people, but to the comforts of this Earth. Detachment is such a regurgitated theme in the Church, and it's one that I really need to start working on.

Three, almost four kids... are you crazy?

I have three kids aged 5 and under... apparently this is a lot. And, now I'm pregnant. For me, four kids, really not a huge number, granted that it's more than today's average family (in this country). Don't get me wrong, three (soon to be four) kids is a lot of work and takes a lot of effort but let me tell you a little secret... so did one kid!

When I had my first child, I was a zombie (see last post!). I would often think, and sometimes say, if this is what having one kid is like, how in the world did my mum cope with seven?!? Well, now that I have a couple more kids floating around, I have worked out an answer, you just learn to cope. Very few people have zero to three kids overnight, and so there is a learning curve. I was the least organised, efficient etc when I had just Alex. I was no good with letting him cry, at, all- so I held him, a lot. I read all the wrong things- things that suggested that if my child wasn't interacting with someone/ something all the time, then I was doing him a disservice. The penny finally dropped when I realised how overstimulated he was and how codependent we were on one another (it was probably worse on my end) and, much to my husband's relief, I finally started to detach. Unfortunately, it took another pregnancy to give me that push.

Once I had my second child, Anna, I started to realise that maybe my kids don't need me there at all times. Skipping ahead to my third and all of a sudden, I had the whole kids being separate thing down pat (sort of). Benji spent a lot of time lying on a pillow in the middle of the lounge room during his first month or so of life. The older kids were fascinated but easily distracted so they kind of had the attitude of "cool, a baby... what does it do?". Alex and Anna were already playing together by the time Benji was born. Alex was 3 1/2, Anna was 1 1/2. They were the 'big kids'. I didn't need to supervise them constantly, just be accessible. 

As Benji has grown, I've watched him transition from a baby to a 'big kid'. Okay, he is only just 18 months (tomorrow, in fact), but he is part of the gang and tougher than, well, both of the others. He learned to walk by 12 months and in the last couple weeks or so, he has started learning to talk in earnest. One thing about Benji is that, regardless if he is capable, he is keen. He has never let his inabilities get in the way of 'kicking it with the big kids'. This makes my life so much easier. The 'three stooges' are always wandering off together, getting into some sort of mischief, but mostly just enjoying each others company. 

So, the more children I have in quick succession, the better their childhood seems to be (in our case, anyways). They love being together, exploring, role playing, making up stories/ scenarios, crafting etc. When they do these activities on their own, their attention spans tend to be shorter and they ask for TV more often. During the day, the three of them don't ask for TV at all. They don't fight much, and when they start to annoy each other, the older two actually will just go and do something on their own for a while. I am impressed by how much incidental learning about relationships and conflict resolution occurs during their play.

Lately, when I take the children out in public, there is one comment that seems to come out a lot- "well, you have your hands full, don't you?" Now, due to my over-analytical crazy brain, I used to get really flustered by this comment (are they saying that I am not doing a good job? are they genuinely impressed that I tackle this daunting task of taking three kids out in public at once? etc), but now, I always give the same reply... "Yes, I do, but I also had my hands full when there was only one :)" I put the emoticon there because I always smile- You kind of need to make sure that you advertise having a 'larger than average family' as a positive thing because, well, it is!

Over the past 5 years, I have learned so much and grown so much as a mother and a person. The experiences over these years are shaping me into a better version of myself- there are days that I hate the screaming, psychotic nutcase that I seemed to have morphed into- but these days do pass. So, mothers, when you are at your wit's end and your thinking resembles "I can't do this, I am the World's worst mother!" just take a breath, break the routine as soon as possible (for me, this often means rearrange some furniture and maybe have takeaway) and realise, you can do this, actually, you are doing this! In fact, the very fact that you care so much about your role as mother is proof enough that you are putting in the best you have, and that is all you can do, so I give you permission to give yourself a break :)

Disclaimer: While having a 'larger than average' family is right for us, it is not right for everyone. I don't think that the 'bigger the family, the better'. For us, our family is what it is at any given time, no concrete plans.