I have three kids aged 5 and under... apparently this is a lot. And, now I'm pregnant. For me, four kids, really not a huge number, granted that it's more than today's average family (in this country). Don't get me wrong, three (soon to be four) kids is a lot of work and takes a lot of effort but let me tell you a little secret... so did one kid!
When I had my first child, I was a zombie (see last post!). I would often think, and sometimes say, if this is what having one kid is like, how in the world did my mum cope with seven?!? Well, now that I have a couple more kids floating around, I have worked out an answer, you just learn to cope. Very few people have zero to three kids overnight, and so there is a learning curve. I was the least organised, efficient etc when I had just Alex. I was no good with letting him cry, at, all- so I held him, a lot. I read all the wrong things- things that suggested that if my child wasn't interacting with someone/ something all the time, then I was doing him a disservice. The penny finally dropped when I realised how overstimulated he was and how codependent we were on one another (it was probably worse on my end) and, much to my husband's relief, I finally started to detach. Unfortunately, it took another pregnancy to give me that push.
Once I had my second child, Anna, I started to realise that maybe my kids don't need me there at all times. Skipping ahead to my third and all of a sudden, I had the whole kids being separate thing down pat (sort of). Benji spent a lot of time lying on a pillow in the middle of the lounge room during his first month or so of life. The older kids were fascinated but easily distracted so they kind of had the attitude of "cool, a baby... what does it do?". Alex and Anna were already playing together by the time Benji was born. Alex was 3 1/2, Anna was 1 1/2. They were the 'big kids'. I didn't need to supervise them constantly, just be accessible.
As Benji has grown, I've watched him transition from a baby to a 'big kid'. Okay, he is only just 18 months (tomorrow, in fact), but he is part of the gang and tougher than, well, both of the others. He learned to walk by 12 months and in the last couple weeks or so, he has started learning to talk in earnest. One thing about Benji is that, regardless if he is capable, he is keen. He has never let his inabilities get in the way of 'kicking it with the big kids'. This makes my life so much easier. The 'three stooges' are always wandering off together, getting into some sort of mischief, but mostly just enjoying each others company.
So, the more children I have in quick succession, the better their childhood seems to be (in our case, anyways). They love being together, exploring, role playing, making up stories/ scenarios, crafting etc. When they do these activities on their own, their attention spans tend to be shorter and they ask for TV more often. During the day, the three of them don't ask for TV at all. They don't fight much, and when they start to annoy each other, the older two actually will just go and do something on their own for a while. I am impressed by how much incidental learning about relationships and conflict resolution occurs during their play.
Lately, when I take the children out in public, there is one comment that seems to come out a lot- "well, you have your hands full, don't you?" Now, due to my over-analytical crazy brain, I used to get really flustered by this comment (are they saying that I am not doing a good job? are they genuinely impressed that I tackle this daunting task of taking three kids out in public at once? etc), but now, I always give the same reply... "Yes, I do, but I also had my hands full when there was only one :)" I put the emoticon there because I always smile- You kind of need to make sure that you advertise having a 'larger than average family' as a positive thing because, well, it is!
Over the past 5 years, I have learned so much and grown so much as a mother and a person. The experiences over these years are shaping me into a better version of myself- there are days that I hate the screaming, psychotic nutcase that I seemed to have morphed into- but these days do pass. So, mothers, when you are at your wit's end and your thinking resembles "I can't do this, I am the World's worst mother!" just take a breath, break the routine as soon as possible (for me, this often means rearrange some furniture and maybe have takeaway) and realise, you can do this, actually, you are doing this! In fact, the very fact that you care so much about your role as mother is proof enough that you are putting in the best you have, and that is all you can do, so I give you permission to give yourself a break :)
Disclaimer: While having a 'larger than average' family is right for us, it is not right for everyone. I don't think that the 'bigger the family, the better'. For us, our family is what it is at any given time, no concrete plans.
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